Is he interested in help?

Does he have any friends who are getting help, or who have served with him that you could open up to, without putting yourself into a bad situation?

There may be help in the local legion/vfw.

But I would start with making a confidential appointment with your town VA rep, or another town VA rep if you want to remain completely annonymous. I know it sounds like I say that a lot, but I use it frequently myself. And when I created this site, I hoped the experts would show up... and at times they have, and they return, but for now I cant promise anything and can only offer whats worked for me.

Good luck.

He does want help. His best friend died in combat right in front of him. His wife blamed my husband because they switched spots that day. After he left, everyone was so spread out that he is not in contact with any of them anymore. He has recently started talking to a local VA rep to try to get signed up for something. He is waiting for his medical forms to come in. I mentioned group therapy last night to him. He said as long as he didn't have to sit in a room with a bunch of crying people.
I told him maybe if he just talked to someone. His response to all of this was a joke... He said the psychologist would ask.. "How can you shot little kids and women?" And he said "You just don't put your lead out as far" He said this jokingly about how far gone his self was from doing what he was trained to do. I'm going to work on him a little more. He was grateful that I took the time to listen. His parole officer told him that he requested his milatary records to learn some more about him. He said they sent him 4 sheets of paper. He told him that he was curious because my husband never talked about the Army. He told my husband that just form the little bit he got that he needed to get help, and that he was a ticking time bomb. I'm just puzzled that people in America have to deal with these things. Yeah, there is help.. after all the paper work.. if you have the nerve to go through all the hoops. It's crazy.

there are people trained to help him, so he shouldnt worry about being called names.

hell, show him this thread, maybe if he sees your concern he will want to reach out.

Aloha Stareyedmom,
I’m a Vietnam combat veteran who waited 32 years before I summed up the courage to ask the VA for Help.  I’m also an alcoholic who’s been sober since 2004.  I started drinking heavily in basecamp in Vietnam and never took a break from it.  My behavior never landed me in jail but I walked the line very very closely.
Before I went to the VA, my wife was getting ready to leave me after 17 years of marriage.  She went to the VA website    www.va.gov      and asked about help for families of combat Veterans.  They emailed her back and referred her to the closest Vet Center to our home and found it wasn’t that far away.  She contacted them and visited their offices and fount that they offered family support groups free of charge for veteran family members to deal with issues concerning the veteran.
After several months of meetings she asked the group leader to contact me and just talk.  We met and he convinced me to start coming to the Vet center for weekly visits for counseling.  18 months later I was filing for my first disability claim.  It took that long to convince me that I was depriving my wife and myself of additional benefits that I was entitled to if I met certain standards of proof.  During this time they helped me apply for and get VA Health Care.  The first doctor I was setup with was a Psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with PTSD and alcoholism.  I was still drinking and didn’t stop until the Psychiatrist got me placed into an inpatient Psychiatric Program for Vets with PTSD.  That’s when my life changed for the better. 
I was required to be sober to attend the treatment program and they helped with that.  They also helped me get my Personnel records and medical records from the Army. and then guided me through the process of getting a Veteran Service Organization (Disabled American Veterans, Veterans of Foreign Wars, American Legion, Vietnam Veterans of America, etc.) to meet with me and begin filing a disability claim.
The healing process is slow and so is the claims process.  Both take much patience, courage and dedication to pursue.  One Veteran suggested that I look at my recovery and claims process as my new job, either fulltime or partime, depending on how much time I had to give to both.
I tell you this because there is help available to you, any children you have and your husband.
I wish you the best of luck and encouragement to remain a supportive spouse.  You’re on the right track, starting in this forum.  Hopefully, you’ll get enough ideas and resource information to help yourself and your husband if he wants the help.
dandla